Toddlers are mobile and eager to explore their environments using their senses: touch, smell, taste, sight, and sound. When your toddler is exploring, she may not understand why certain activities are harmful. For example, your toddler will not understand why she can’t taste the trash, but you know that she could pick up germs and get sick.
When a child is behaving in a way that is harmful to herself, another person, or property, an adult needs to stop that behavior immediately. Be firm and kind when stopping her. Being firm lets children know that this is serious and they should pay attention, and being kind lets them know that they are loved and you understand that this is a learning process—one without the other misses the mark and may not get you the results you want!
Strategies for Disciplining Your Toddler
When disciplining a toddler, remember these basic strategies:
- Create an environment that is safe for your toddler’s exploration. Children at this age love to dump things out, open and close cabinets, bang on things, etc. Remove items from the environment that you don’t want your toddler to explore. The less you need to say “no,” the happier you and your toddler will be.
- Distract your toddler when possible. For example, if he is beginning to climb into your dvd cabinet, bring out his favorite dump truck to distract or redirect him. Or, give him something he can safely climb into, such as a laundry basket.
- Give your toddler attention when she is behaving in ways you like. Catch her being good by saying, “Thank you for putting your toys in the basket! What a big helper you are!” or, “Those are such nice touches! Thank you for using soft touches with the new baby.”
- Tell your toddler what she has done wrong. For example, say, “You may not draw on the floor.” Then, encourage what you want! “If you’d like to draw, here is some paper. You may not draw on the floor but you can draw on the paper.” Performing these steps will help her learn the rules, and will show that you respect her level of development. If she doesn’t stop drawing on the floor, take her crayons or markers away. Understand that she is just too young to follow this rule, and give her another chance after a few weeks.
- If your child, other people, and property are safe from harm, try to ignore misbehavior when possible. This will teach your toddler that you will give him attention when he stops acting inappropriately (for example, when he stops screaming at you). As soon as he speaks with you using a quieter voice, give him twice as much attention! He will soon learn that he will get what he wants when he behaves appropriately. You must step in and remove your child if he, another person, or property can be harmed.
Spanking and Yelling
Studies have shown that spanking and yelling are not effective ways to teach a child how to behave well. Adults must model the behavior they want before they can expect a child to behave in appropriate ways. Spanking teaches that hitting is a way to solve problems. A child that is spanked learns that he can hit others when he is angry or has conflicts.
Being Consistent
When disciplining your toddler, you must be consistent! Don’t change your rules, and provide the same consequences for repeated misbehaviors. Decide on rules that work for you, your family, and/or your classroom. Base your rules on safety and on preserving your property.
If your toddler draws on the floor every time she has a marker in her hand (after you have shown her how to draw on paper), and you decide the best consequence for drawing on the floor is to take the marker away, you must always take the marker away when this happens. If you take the marker away, and put it in a place within her reach, she will probably draw on the floor again. This is normal, curious toddler behavior. The marker must be completely out of her reach if you want your lesson to work.
Positive Discipline in Action
Maria has just hit Joan because Joan has a toy that Maria wants. Here is an example of positive discipline in action:
- You see Joan crying and Maria tugging at the toy in Joan’s hands. You go over, squat down to the girls’ eye level, and separate them. You ask Joan why she is crying. She may point, gesture, or use some words. Give her a chance to let you know what happened. While she is talking, you notice a red mark on her face and guess that Maria hit her to take the toy away.
- In a calm manner, use your words to describe to the girls what has happened. “Maria has hit you in the face because she wanted your toy. That is not okay. I am sorry you got hurt.”
- Turn to Maria and say, “I see that you really wanted to play with the toy Joan has, but you may not hurt her. Hands are for so many other things besides hitting, they are not for hurting. It is not okay to hurt our friends.”
- Give attention to Joan first. Make sure Joan is okay—provide hugs, and if needed, ice or a bandage.
- Then, help Maria learn about appropriate touches. Show Maria what a soft touch is by taking her hand and patting your arm. Say, “This is how you can touch your friends. Joan is still playing with the toy you wanted. Let’s find another toy to play with until she is finished.”
- If Maria is still angry or aggressive, remove her from other children until she can calm down. Say something such as, “Your body is telling me that you are angry and upset. You can play here by me until you calm down. Would you like to play with this toy or read a book?” Help her choose, and allow her to play on her own until you feel she is able to play with other children again. Also, show her how to get her anger out by punching pillows, finger painting, running, or other outlets that are safe and physically active—releasing anger involves physical activity.