When small children pass through the toddler years into the preschool years, their need for love and attention changes. While your preschoolers still need a large amount of love and attention, you will need to share your love in ways that are more appropriate for this age.
Independence and Belonging
Studies have shown that most people, old and young, desire two things: independence and belonging. When your child becomes a preschooler, he begins to develop these same needs. You may have already noticed his need to please and be accepted, as well as his need to do things without your help.
Loving Your Preschoolers
To make sure your preschoolers get love and attention, consider these suggestions:
- Frequently tell your preschoolers that you love them and that you are happy they are a part of your life.
- Include your preschoolers in making decisions, but give them easy choices, such as whether to play with the gak or the play dough, which song to sing while cleaning up the toys, or whether they would like to play in the block area or the art area or another place.
- When your preschooler has misbehaved, give him the chance to make up for his wrong doing and make amends if necessary. Teaching children how to apologize and showing forgiveness and understanding for making a mistake shows the children you care and teaches them about these parts of conflict resolution. For example, say, “Would you like to show Sadako that you feel bad about hurting her by giving her a hug or by using your words?”
- Make loving, meaningful eye contact with each of your preschoolers every morning before you start the day.
- Include your preschoolers in classroom chores. Having a chore will make them feel like valuable members of your group. Preschoolers will enjoy simple chores, such as wiping off tables, setting the table, sweeping the floor, putting out mats for nap time, throwing away trash, giving food and water to pets, and watering plants.
- Encourage your preschoolers often by using positive and open-ended words, such as “Way to go!” “You worked so hard on that!” “Show me how you did that.” “Let’s try again together.” “You are such a big helper!” “Tell me about…” “You are a joy to be around.” Or “I love hearing your words.” Avoid discouraging words, such as “that’ll never work.” “If you can’t behave, I’ll take you out with the trash.” “Don’t touch that, you’ll ruin it!” “Can’t you do anything right?” “You’re always in my way.” Or “You were probably the worst baby.”
- At nap time, toss a sheet over your preschooler as he lies down. Completely cover him, and pretend that you must get the lumps out of the bed. Gently press on his feet, knees, body, and arms. He’ll love this game, and your touches!
- Sit in a rocking chair and hold your preschooler on your lap as you rock him.
- Read to your preschoolers every day.
Positive Attention
The previous examples are all good ways to give your preschooler positive attention. When your preschooler receives plenty of positive attention, his brain will be relaxed and ready for new information. If your preschooler doesn’t receive enough positive attention, his brain will be stressed and unable to receive new information.
Positive attention is directly related to feeling good about ourselves, and to our ability to learn. When your preschooler feels good about himself, he has the confidence to try new things, is able to deal with disappointments, is free to enjoy natural curiosity, has more of a will to succeed, will show more kindness toward others, will have improved listening skills, and is more available mentally to learn new concepts. Many believe there is a direct link between high school drop-out rates and negative self-images that begin in these early years.
Negative Behaviors
The following negative attention-seeking behaviors are signs that your preschooler needs more positive attention.
- Your preschooler starts fights with other children (above and beyond normal disputes). Remember, learning about sharing and coping with angry feelings are difficult at this age.
- She uses profanity.
- She puts her safety in danger. For example, she runs in front of cars, climbs to dangerous heights, purposefully plays with household items she knows to be dangerous, or frequently runs beyond the view of adults or caregivers.
- She knocks over furniture.
- She destroys property.
- She screams indoors frequently.
- She is violent toward animals. This is a serious warning sign, and indicates a child who is poorly attached to others and in critical need of loving attention. If your child is violent toward animals, consider seeking professional guidance. This childhood behavior has been found in many serial killers and murderers.
- She is withdrawn from activities, communication, and play.
Love and attention is the best way to prevent negative behaviors. Giving your preschooler love and attention involves understanding her needs and recognizing opportunities to express your love.
Preschoolers have richer vocabularies then toddlers, but they are still learning to use their words to describe what they think, feel, and need. Pay close attention to your preschooler. “Listen” to her body language, and watch her during activities. You will often be able to discover your preschooler’s needs by watching the way she plays, her interactions with other children, her facial expressions, her artwork, the books or videos she chooses, and more. Give her words to describe the feelings and attitudes she displays. For example, say, “Your face is telling me that you are sad. Would you like a hug?” Expressing your awareness of her needs will make her feel understood and cared for. This alone will be a great help!